What To Do With Hotel Soap
The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London
hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to
the London Sunday Times!
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Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened
little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the
shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of
your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.
This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy,
Relief Maid
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Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little
bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added
3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be
here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I
won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way
when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
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Dera Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are
instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on
the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial
in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3
complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for
all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last
Monday. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.
Your regular maid,
Dotty
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Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I
have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies
for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact
me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM
and 5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
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Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 7:45AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the reason
I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked
Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The
new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since
she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her
regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have
accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room
and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call
extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
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Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
inlcuding my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call
the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the
inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder,
Assistant Manager
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night
and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I
want my own damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of
soap in here? All I want is my bath-size Dial. Please give me back my
bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you
complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally
returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are
supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere
Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps
so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where
you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some
bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of
today I possess: - On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4
stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. - On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2
stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3. - On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3
Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of
4. - Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of
2. - In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist. - On the northeast
corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. - On the northwest
corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3. Please ask Kathy when she
services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also,
please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I
suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent
spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar
of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid
further misunderstandings.
S. Berman